Life and love shifts, Lisbon stays

While I spent all this time away from this blog, I kept thinking on how good it was for me to express how I was feeling without having to show it to anyone, all the time.
This space allowed and still does allow me to clear my head and thoughts and stimulates me into writting proper essays, like I had to do in highschool.

Getting to my subject:

This past months were a rollercoster of emotions. I went for it, I drowned in him, I got lost when I got without him, someone looked for me, but I had my goal set and eventually we got back were we always wanted to be: together.

And after what seemed months, weeks with him felt more and more familiar,closer to my heart. This layer that still separates me between myself and..any men, I don't know if it will ever fade. I am a woman whose word is for life, I stick with my promisses and mine was to love my first man. Time cleaned my mind and feelings faded away, but the promise, I see now, stops me from being able to unlock again what I decided to lock at the time the rupture happened.
Will I be able to unlock it now? Is it worth it? Will it take his vow on how much he loves me in order for me to feel it as well? To allow myself to let down my guard? That makes sense, I guess.

Now I'm about to be apart from him for more than two months. I 'll be away and he'll stay here. Can we handle it? Can I? It's so uncertain...

He told me just now "Lav ya". Do you?

I'm gonna go in a few days. Lisbon and all that's beyind me and keeps me standing stays. Please miss me, friends, lover, family, but don't let it hurt us. We should love each other more, after this. Please? I need you ok, for me to be okay, thousands of miles away from you all.

Thanks,
Mariana <3

Taking Love for a walk outside of Lisbon

Although I haven't been writing much in this blog, I have been doing so in a new book I bought which sort of became my diary.

These days I went back at home, spent the Easter with my family, which was nice and I got the time to hang out with my old school friends. Before I came I got the time to spend the best days of these season, followed by the worse. That's sort of what happens when you reach the highest point of your relashionship and the other person decides that he/she doesn't have the hability to keep with it anymore. The reason? In my case, he was afraid of how important we were becoming to each other, and it became scary for him.

It's hard to deal with a person like him, you get the best of him, and the worse then. The best times were spent with him, and at the times I cried the most (lately)..he was the cause for my tears.

And now, if a guy speaks with me and I can feel his interess in me I'm not able to correspond at all and I actually feel as if I was cheating a guy with whom I have no relashionship at this moment. Normal? Not at all...! But I'm not the standard relashionship girl. At some points, I'm the most old-school-minded-girl I know.


I wish I could be more poetic some times...but I guess I'll have to leave it for another time :)

Enjoy your holidays!

Love,
Mariana <3

Life in Lisbon is my love

This past few days I've been exploring this city like I've never explored a city before. With a friend I became familiar with subway stops, with bus and how to walk alone or with company in this city, during the day or at night. And I don't feel so lonely now.
I feel like I've done my share in all my stories, I never hurt anyone on purpose and when someone other than me was hurt, I apologized and we both moved on. In conclusion, I feel better now.

I have a lot to study, since I'm in that time of my final exams, but since those aren't my best graded classes, I presume it will be necessary to go ahead and sign for the second stage of exams... Stil..I'm staying positive, crossing my fingers so that everything works out good...(:

I went to the movies yesterday and watched the most beautiful movie I've watched in years. It's called "Amour" (2012) and I absolutly recommend it... I cryed, laughed, absorbed a hole story that wasn't mine, but felt so close to my heart, although I couldn't and still can't tell why was that. I learned a lot about myself yesterday. :)

Now I'm heading off to my study session.
I wish you well,

Love,
Mariana <3